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by HungLikeARainbro



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Deception, Episode: s01e03 Balance of Power, F/M, M/M, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-05 08:03:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18824557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HungLikeARainbro/pseuds/HungLikeARainbro
Summary: One-shot from Tumblr, edited for (hopefully) extra clarity. Lister goes along with Rimmer pretending to be Kochanski and takes them on a date in an alternate version of 'Balance of Power'. A weird experimental style. Rating is G but there is a mild swear word.





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Rimmer is not about to let Lister swap him out for a night of disgusting pining over some stuck up officer because he knows that will be the end of him. He doesn't trust Lister, you see, doesn't trust him at all to turn him back on once he gets what he wants. So when Rimmer deviously wanders into the test kitchen wearing Kochanski's avatar like a second skin he's not expecting Lister to be so genuinely moved that Rimmer did such an honourable thing as to let him spend the evening with the woman he loved. Rimmer couldn't believe that Lister had really fallen for the guise and yet here he was excitedly telling him all about what he had planned; posh dinner, disco dancing, maybe a horror movie. Rimmer found himself being shooed away whilst Lister abandoned his exam and used the ingredients to prepare dinner for their date instead. Rimmer is shocked and a little disturbed. But he's not giving in.

Lister is disgusted that Rimmer thought he could get away with it. It wasn't that he was acting so obviously unlike Kochanski, unlike _any_ woman, but he wasn't even trying to not act like _himself_. That Rimmer honestly thought he could pass for the love of Lister's life. Despicable. Lister wasn't going to take an insult like that. He'd take Rimmer on the date and embarrass the hell out of him until he admitted he was a fake.

Rimmer turned up in Kochanski's normal uniform. He wasn't going to dress up even for a ruse. That was going too far. Lister was disappointed but made no comment. Kochanski had every right to wear whatever she felt most comfortable in. He pulled out a chair and politely gestured for her to sit down. Rimmer was incensed and berated him about gender politics and how she didn't need a man to treat her like she was incapable and that she was a strong independent woman.

A strong independent woman who was also a hologram, Lister pointed out.

Ah, was Rimmer's cowed response.

He took his seat and frowned at the bare plates. Lister had realised it was a bit unfair to flaunt food Kochanski couldn't eat in front of her, so he had already had his dinner. Rimmer appreciated the sweetness of his consideration. He ignored the strange flutter in his stomach as Lister leaned forward, chin on hands, and asked about his - no her - life. He made up some background on the fly. If there was one thing Arnold J Rimmer could say about himself it was that he could spin a spool of bullshit when he needed to. The story was mostly the kind of thing he'd read about in books; the kind of posh life he wish he'd led rather than the posh life he actually did. Kochanski had a pony and took piano lessons. She painted portraits and her parents hung them up proudly in the hall. Her first kiss was with the head prefect but it was none of Lister's business, thank you very much.

Lister sat there, fascinated, enraptured by the tall tales. He knew it wasn't real and yet Rimmer was so deeply involved in the lies he wondered if some of it wasn't a secret yearning. Rimmer had hinted here and there that he'd had an unhappy childhood and Lister found himself thinking that although it was unlikely Rimmer wished he'd been the first under-sevens winner of the Scottish girls' karate competition, maybe there was a kernel of truth to it.

They moved from the dinner table to the bar to pick up a few beers for Lister and then cosied up in a booth to talk more. Rimmer asked his own questions, realising he had never stopped and taken the time to listen to Lister's own history. He was usually complaining about his own whenever they had a heart-to-heart. More of a heart-to-blank, really.

Lister seemed shy about it and only offered up small samples. His families were mentioned briefly, bluntly, sadly. He preferred to talk about his friends on the estate where he'd spent most of his time growing up. He went to school now and then, mostly to keep up his attendance enough to not get his fosterers in trouble and because there were a few lessons he enjoyed. He was good at technology and woodwork. He liked to tinker with things, see how they worked.

Rimmer remarked that he should be a higher technician than he was. Lister shrugged and tipped his pint down his throat. Rimmer wondered if all his nagging had held Lister back rather than pushed him forward. He toyed with the idea of asking about himself, but Lister saved him the trouble. He told Kochanski that the main reasons were that he didn't want to be tied to the Corps; and besides he wasn't interested in usurping Rimmer, especially as he was so committed to his career. And he was happy, he said as he played with his beer can, that Rimmer had given him this night, proving to Lister that he was a much better man than he used to be back on Z-shift.

Lister felt bad when Rimmer looked away, clearly ashamed. He hadn't meant to guilt him. The more he drank the more he forgot that it was really Rimmer under there. He put out his hand reaching for hers forgetting that he couldn't reassure either of them. Rimmer leaned forward and her mouth disappeared into Lister's. He pulled back when her image distorted and flashed uncomfortably. He covered her lips with her hand. Why had he done that? He'd only had a few holodrinks. He stared up at Lister.

Lister had pulled back too, eyes wide and mouth still open.

Rimmer frowned at the reaction. Lister should be happy Kochanski wanted to kiss him, shouldn't he? He understood if Lister was upset because they couldn't but shocked seemed a strange expression to own.

Unless.

He knew.

Rimmer got up and clipped cleanly through the table. Lister scrambled out of the booth, calling after him. Rimmer didn't want to hear it and screamed with outrage when Lister grabbed his lightbee to keep him still. Lister knew he was violating some unspoken rule between them but the barriers of emotional etiquette had been broken the moment Rimmer walked in masquerading as his unrequited love.

Rimmer panicked. It was a mistake, he was caught up in the moment, he was only doing what he thought Kochanski would do.

Lister simply wanted to know why Rimmer wouldn't let him have her for just one evening, why he wouldn't let him have the one thing he wanted most.

"Because she's what you want most. Because you've never wanted me. I am unwanted."

Lister didn't know what to say. "I didn't know you felt that way."

"I didn't. I mean, I don't. Not like that."

"Are you sure?"

"Not any more."

There was an eerie calm. Lister had released the lightbee and Rimmer was no longer flickering in and out of existence. 

"What now?" hung in the air like mist.


End file.
